Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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