Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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