I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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