On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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