I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
