I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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