I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
