Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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