we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
