Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
