There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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