This is not my ceiling
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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