her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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