he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize