I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
