i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
