Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
