Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
