another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
