Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
