Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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