"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
