I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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