Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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