Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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