Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
