I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
