oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
