My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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