I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
