this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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