Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize