That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
