No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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