Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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