OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
