I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
