my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
