So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
