I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
