I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
