dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
