I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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