I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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