i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
