There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize