Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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