I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You pole danced in your parka.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
