My Higher Power is John Stamos
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
