i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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