She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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