Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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