I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
