In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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