saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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