Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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