Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
