Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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