Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
