Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We left the knife in your bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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