Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
