There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize