Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
