I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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