dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
