what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
