It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
