I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
