i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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