If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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