I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
