My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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