The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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