I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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