Soap is not a condiment
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
