I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
