I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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